I can’t sell a member of the family

Cory Boardman’s personal struggle with cycle separation spawned a smart solution.

It’s been a part of my life for over 23 years.

I spied it in the Cash Converters on Puckle Street during my lunch break. It was there again the next week, and the week after. I’d been without a bike for a few years (since I got my Ps) and thought it was a good purchase. I beat the price down a little and for $380 it was mine.

Yellow green hi-vis forks, stem and bars. Headtube hi-vis Orange, segueing to black with green and purple sparkle. Dud saddle and 26″ slick tyres. Three BioPace chainrings mated to an 8-speed rear. Canti brakes. Geo a bit weird, but I didn’t know better. Chromoly. It was branded Graecross but really, it could have been any of about six Australian brands of that time (I’ve seen it as at least four other makes—Repco most commonly).

I kept it as is and started riding it to work on the days where I worked close to home (not the 35km x 2 when I was at the other destination). It also had some occasional recreational rides with my (then) girlfriend, as well as some dirt trails, and even a little single-track by myself. My work changed (they closed that campus) so the riding become less frequent, a lot less frequent. In the course of five years I put on well over 25kg. (I don’t actually know my heaviest weight. the highest I ever saw myself was 94kg, but it was undoubtedly higher.)

Big life changes across a couple of years. New girlfriend. The recreational rides, now inner-West, started again. We did a Great Melbourne Bike Ride, in the orange shirts. A truly astounding (at the time, for us) 15km! We then did another of those the next year, I think 35km. Then we did a 100km Around the Bay—down on the bus, back from Sorrento. Then my (by then) partner, decided she wanted to do triathlon.

I thought, if I was gonna get up at stupid-o-clock, I may as well do it too. So I roped a few mates in and we had a crew. I thought I’d better train a bit, so I started riding to work (then, in the CBD). By then, it was starting to look a little tired. I swapped out the saddle for a nice WTB unit, updated the grips and put on some 2nd-hand Profile bar ends. The tyres’ sidewalls degraded and after my 2nd Melbourne-baptism (tram track incident) I’d noticed the Police bike squad had Geax Evolutions, so I fitted them. Replacement shifters I bought in LA, after I painstakingly rebuilt the ones it came with, only for them to survive a few months. SPD pedals and shoes were sourced in Brooklyn. (I’d still yet to embrace online purchasing, but was happy to make the most of cheaper US pricing when the opportunity arose).

Over the next few years my transport changed radically, and the (now-dubbed) FluoroBeast was my main means of getting anywhere. Broken chain. New cassette (holding onto the BioPace crankset). Evolution continued. Different tyres. Rear rack. New grips. Various light combinations. With a new job and its 21km total commute each day, I was probably the fittest I ever had ever been and I’d dropped 15–20kg.

By then, there was a kid about, so FluoroBeast also towed a trailer most days, and a little recreationally as well. There was still a bit of MTB work for it, until I got a dually, and a roadie took on tri duty and Around the Bay. My first Melburn-Roobaix: a photo shows a slightly larger version of me pulling Thing1 in a trailer.

A set of shifter/brake combos sourced from another Cash Converters bike also brought about a brake upgrade, to V-brakes. Such a dramatic difference. Bars trimmed. It’s what you did to your commuter then wasn’t it? My rudimentary bike maintenance skills slowly increased—more of the areas where ‘once be dragons’ become relatively straightforward. Bottom bracket died. A new component provided new vigour.

The ever dependable FluroBeast just kept going. Stickerfied and ugly enough to be a good pub bike, but actually rode a lot better than it looked. And it remained that way until I got my current commuter a little over six years ago. That was also around the time we got the bakfiets, so it got ‘filed’ on a hook for a good 18 months or so.

Once Thing1 got pedalling, I got a TrailGator so we could go a little further afield than her legs could take her. Pretty-much the only bike for the job was the dirty, dejected, spider-haven FluoroBeast. So, a clean, some maintenance, and affixing the TrailGator (and a mirror) was the call of the day. The evolution of the FluoroBeast moved into cargo–family bike territory. A little later, that continued with a front mounted seat to cart Thing2, and then, some hard-rubbish old-school bars once Thing2 got a little taller and it meant I really couldn’t ride without her hitting my chin. To make the upright geo a little easier, the WTB saddle was swapped out for a generic fake-leather saddle with fake-rivets and springs that came with my commuter (which had been replaced with a real leather, real riveted saddle). Of all of the times I’d been through on the FluoroBeast, they were some of my faves, with Thing1 on the back, Thing2 on the front. The Beast got full guards and a replacement rear wheel when the freewheel died (both forum-sourced).

Thing1 outgrew the TrailGator. Thing2 graduated to the rear. By then, I also had the CX which could tow for longer rides, as the FluoroBeast, now with Schwalbe Marathon Pluses and a heap of other stuff was, although comfortable, rather ‘substantial’ in climbs. The number of rides became less frequent. I scored an OK front rack and the FluoroBeast was the only obvious recipient.

Earlier this year, Thing2 began riding to and from school. So the last real role of the FluoroBeast slipped by. It no longer had a use. Even riding it as a pub bike had been usurped by the (generally unwashed) commuter some time ago.

I’d had my eye on a (pricey) N+1 for some time… so my partner uttered the words… “I TOTALLY think you should get one, but if you do, the FluoroBeast must go”. It was hard to argue with. I did think about breaking it down and stashing the frame under the house. 23 years is a long time.

Good friends have a teenager whose bike was stolen. He’s since had to rely on PT, and hates it. There was an obvious fit. Partner sorta hinted, and his mother asked how much I wanted for it. I said I’d think about it.

And I thought.

And I procrastinated. And thought a bit more.

Every time I seriously contemplated it, I got depressed. Very sad. Losing a friend sad. As I’m typing this, I’m feeling it now. I can’t sell a member of my family. It had changed my life. Weight/fitness/attitude/happiness. And, really, brought about two big career changes.

What made it worse was Thing1 wrote me a letter. In it, she pleaded with me not to sell the “FluroBest”. She said it would make me sad, and I should keep it as I’d “always had it”.

If I really wanted, of course partner was fine with me keeping it. But really, I no longer had any need, and he did. So, I came up with an idea.

I stripped off the accoutrement. It needed some love—pads and cables. He’d pay me for that, but the bike is on loan. I’m expecting it back. And if, for some reason, it doesn’t come back, that’s $75 he owes me. This small variation made all the difference. So, today I made the final adjustments and the FluoroBeast went to its new home, and its new role. He was shocked when I told him I was only asking for the cost of the cables and pads, until I told him ‘the deal’. He nodded, and he realised the undercurrent of what it was saying. Be responsible with MY bike.